Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My son loves tootsie-pops to distraction. Thank god.

I had to go get a pregnancy test today.

But wait! That's not all!

I had to take a pregnancy test at Kaiser with my 4-year-old and my infant.

But wait! Again, not all!

I had to pee in a cup in front of the 4-year-old. Can I tell you how many questions I had to answer without using the word "pregnancy" for fear of causing near riots at our house if the Peanut got wind that there might be another little monster on its way? Which there TOTALLY ISN'T OMFG AND IT TOOK SOME AMAZING FORCE OF WILL TO NOT TELL THE POOR MAN AT THE LAB THAT I WANTED A PREGNANCY TEST NOT BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT BUT BECAUSE KAISER WANTS ME TO SUFFER BEFORE IT WILL LET ME HAVE AN IUD. Yeah, the poor lab man and all the people in the room who might have heard me ask for a pregnancy test even though I totally ordered it in a whisper lest the boy find out why we were really there. "Bean, we've got to go to Kaiser this morning." "Can I get a pop?" "Why, yes, we are going to Kaiser to get you a pop. But first I have to pee in a cup." "....but, I get a pop, right?" "Yes." "....why do you have to p--" "LET'S GO!"

Also, I got dressed up and put makeup on so that I didn't look trashy while asking for a pregnancy test with an 8-month-old in tow because if I don't want people getting the wrong impression or anything.

Also, don't you think, with my track record, Kaiser would be falling over itself trying to make it as easy as possible for me to get some semi-permanent and fairly infallible birth control? I mean, dude. COME ON. Clearly I suck at not getting pregnant. Yeah, yeah, I know. Poor me. I should stop complaining. But I suck at that too.


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